A Currently Titleless Crossover
by The Real Mark
Summary: Twenty characters from 20 different fictional universes are brought together on one tiny island to play a game of survival. From Carrion and the Johns, to Jack and Jack, to Fang and Ari, only one team will live. Read and review to keep the chapters comin.
1. Episode One: Intro

**Hey guys, The Markster is back. I'm writing a crossover this time. And I'm not combining just two stories; I'm combining ten. All of the characters were chosen by popular demand. If you don't know what that means, it means I asked all of my friends their favorite two characters from any of the books or movies that I'm using, they told me, and I counted up the most popular characters. What craziness shall now ensue? Read and find out. Also, spoilers will be everywhere in this story, so don't yell at me if you find out something that happens at the end of a book you haven't finished yet. I warned you.  
This story is going to be taking the form of a TV show in words, one episode hopefully appearing every Thursday until someone decides the story is complete. **

_**Bold Italics** = _Announcer/narrator  
_Italics = _Camera action / visual

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_A dark screen._

_Fade in on a large island. On said island, there is a beach, a forest, and several open fields. _

**_Hello, all you of you tuning in on this wonderful Thursday, and welcome to The Currently Title-less Crossover! For our first episode, we will be introducing to you our famous - and infamous - cast of characters. Let's take a look. _**

_Zoom in on beach. All looks ordinary. There are waves crashing, birds singing, a cool breeze blowing. Then angle shifts, and a large wooden crate is visible. Muffled voices can be heard from inside, and also screeching and deep barking. _

_**Our character's first challenge will be to find their way out of the crate in which they've been imprisoned. Can they accomplish this task?**_

_After a few more moments of these muffled voices, there is an immense pounding, and the door of the crate falls open, splintering into pieces. Eighteen figures fall out onto the sand of the beach. _

_**Excellent! It appears they can perform the simplest of tasks they will face during this...ah...experiment. Let's zoom in and meet them, shall we?**_

_The first people out of the pile of bodies are complete opposites. A tall, strong man with a skull-like head and what appears to be a tank around his collar, filled with blue liquid and yellow squirming things. The other man is short, with red skin, lopsided eyes, antlers, and seven other heads growing on the antlers. _

_**Wonderful! These are our first two characters, and they're from the wonderful story of Abarat! The first man, the taller one, is none other than the infamous Christopher Carrion.**_

_Carrion looks up at the sky._

"Excuse me! I have titles to be upheld."

_**Uh, Christopher Carrion, Lord of Midnight, Prince of Darkness, and recently deceased. **_

"That's much better." _Pause. _"Wait, deceased? What?"

**_Moving on...our second character from the Abarat is the world-wide known thief, John Mischief! _**

_All seven head's on Mischief's antlers look up and shout indignantly._

"Oh, so we're just pieces of buttered toast, are we?"

"If you want to know, he would have been dead a long time ago without us."

"Yeah, we're not useless!"

"Except for John Serpent."

"What did you say?!"

"Shut up, he didn't say anything."

"Oh yes he did, I heard him."

"I'm the most useful!"

"Be quiet, Fillet."

_**And John Mischief's seven brothers; Johns Serpent, Fillet, Pluckitt, Drowze, Moot, and Sallow.**_

"And me!"

_**Oh yes, and John Slop. Now, o**__**ur next two characters -**_

"Hold on a minute!" _shouts one of the Johns. _"We deserve more of an introduction than that!"

_**You're not even supposed to be able to hear me! I'm just the narrator.**_

"Well, we didn't make the rules, missy. Give us a better introduction!" _shouts a different one. _

_**Shut up! We have a whole episode to go through and I can't waste all the time on you. I can't believe I agreed to put you in this story. MOVING ON...**_

_Two more people untangle themselves from the mass of bodies on the sand. A tall, sallow looking man, and a house-elf. _

_**Excellent! Here our are two most voted characters from the enchanting series of Harry Potter: Severus Snape and Dobby, the house-elf!**_

_Snape and Dobby apparently cannot be bothered with their introductions, for Snape wanders off to chat with Carrion and Dobby begins building himself a sand castle. _

_**See? Why can't you be more like them?**_

"If you're talking to us," _says one of the Johns (probably Sallow) _"I would say we're not like them because we have some measure of intelligence of which to speak."

_**Sure. And look, our next two characters have emerged. **_

_A tall, blonde male-type person has pulled himself out of the pile, and reaches back in to the sea of bodies to pull out a much shorter male-looking thing. They stand side by side, looking confused but not exactly angry. _

_**And these are our readers' two favorite characters from the genius work of The Lord of the Rings; Legolas the elf and Gimli the dwarf!**_

"Huh! I should say," _huffs Gimli. _"Dwarves and elves will be some of the more respectable kinds here, next to some of the people who had their hands on my-"

"Hush, Gimli. Do you have any idea where we are?"

"None. Why don't we ask that mysterious voice?"

_Legolas tilts back his head._

"Hey! Mysterious voice! Where are we?"

_He receives no response, and so the two friends shrug and begin wandering off down the beach._

_**I love those two, although I'm not supposed to play favorites as a narrator. We'll just let those them and let you meet our next two contesta- ah, characters. **_

_A small, furry creature, apparently the source of the screeching inside the crate, races free of the shrinking pile of people. _

_**Oh, how cute! It's Jack the monkey, from the excellent movie trilogy, Pirates of the Caribbean! But where's our second character?**_

_An arm suddenly shoots up out of the pile, holding a pistol pointing directly at Jack. Jack screeches in fear but can't get out of the way before the hand pulls the trigger and Jack is shot. Fortunately, he seems unharmed, because he merely scampers back to the pile. A tall, dirty man with dreadlocks pulls himself free of the pile. _

"Blasted monkey!" he grumbled. "Why can't you ever die? And where's my hat?!"

_**Ah, yes, the famous Captain Jack Sparrow. Interesting, we have Jack and Jack. **_

"Hey!"_ shouts John Pluckitt._ "You got his introduction right! What do you have against Abaratians?"

_The other seven Johns all shout at him to shut up. Captain Jack can't be bothered with his introduction anyway because he is now searching frantically for his hat._

_**Moving on-**_

"No, I will not shut up!" _shouts John Pluckitt. _"We have just as much right as him to be introduced properly."

_**Shut UP, Pluckitt! I'm sorry for not giving you a good introduction the first time but we're on a very tight schedule here and if you haven't noticed I haven't even introduced half the characters yet because of your insistent babbling! Mischief! Can you shut him up, please?! Thank you! And for our next couple of characters, I see we have...oh, lovely! **_

_A blond boy in a horrible pink and blue sweater and striped scarf begins to crawl out from underneath the pile, but is stepped on by a full-bodied, dark-haired girl who pretty much dances her way free of all the people. She steps on his head and then stops, looking horrified. _

_**And these two are from Jonathan Larson's amazingly spectacular movie-musical, RENT! Let's give it up for Mimi and...Mark? Wait, what happened to Angel? She got more votes!  
**_

"She was busy," _says Mark, raising his head to reveal that Mimi has given him a bloody nose. _"I'm filling in."

"Mark? Ohmigosh, I'm so sorry. I really didn't mean to step on your head."

"No, it's fine. Aw, shit, my scarf!"

_Mark's nose has dripped blood onto his amazing navy and white striped scarf and he howls in anguish._

"Nooo!!! My scarf from Nanette!!!" **(A/N: Thanks, Kassaremidybelllynn. I hope you don't mind me using your idea. Loves you!)**

"Um...I'm sorry?"

_Mark apparently doesn't hear Mimi because he is now sobbing. _

"My scarf, my scarf, my beautiful scarf..." *sob*

"Um...your camera survived."

_Mark's head shoots up immediately._

"My camera!!" _he shouts happily, and snatches it out of Mimi's hands. _"Yay!!!"

_Mark now dances around in happy circles while Mimi wonders why Angel had to pick THIS weekend to visit a cousin in Pennsylvania. _

_**Wonderful! We're more than half done with only 1735 words so far. Excellent. We're right on schedule. And for our next two characters...wait, huh? No two people were able to decide on the same character from this next movie-musical. Looks like we'll have to see which characters made it in...**_

_There are only eight people left in what is no longer a pile. Two of them stand, while the others lay sprawled on the sand, apparently unconscious. The two who stand are a young boy and grown woman with a rather low-cut dress. _

_**Superb! It appears our characters were able to make it through the dimensions without too much trouble. From the amazing work of Steven Sondheim's Sweeney Todd, we have Tobias Ragg and Mrs. Nellie Lov- wait, what's this? It appears we have some last minute votes coming in! **_

_The form of Toby shimmers._

_**Oh no! It looks like Toby is being out-voted!**_

_Toby looks like a badly-tuned TV, and then with a squeak and a pop, he vanishes. Three seconds later, exactly in his place, another character shimmers into view. _

_**And Toby is gone! Replaced by none other than the Demon Barber of Fleet Street himself, Mr. Benjamin Barker!**_

"BENJAMIN BARKER!" _roars Sweeney. _"He is DEAD!! I WILL NOW ATTACK YOU, MYSTERIOUS VOICE OF THE SKIES! DIE! DIE! DIE!"

_He begins waving his razors around menacingly. Meanwhile, Mrs. Lovett squeals happily. _

"Mista TEE!" _she yells and flings herself at him in a smothering hug. _

_**Ah, sorry. The Demon Barber of Fleet Street, Sweeney Todd. Sorry, Mr. Demon. And let us now turn our attention to the last six characters we have over here. **_

_The camera turns and we see two pale, insanely beautiful people, a strange yet attractive impish creature, a wolf with blue earrings, an enormous rat, and a giant bat. _

_**Okay, we're running out of time. I'm going to have to introduce you all at once. **_

"Hey!" _shouts one of the insanely beautiful people. She is very small, with black spiky hair. The other is a huge, burly boy with curly dark hair and what looks like a permanent smile. _

"Hey! _shouts the girl again. _"We deserve as much as an introduction as anyone! You don't get to clump us together with those weird animals just because the name of our book comes later in the alphabet."

_**The *ahem* alphabet has nothing to do with the order of introductions. However, if you insist...from the marvelous Twilight Saga, we have vampires Alice and Emmett Cullen! Let's give it up for the vamps, folks!!**_

"Wooh!" _shouts Emmett enthusiastically, clapping for himself. _"Go vamps! We're so much better than those stinking werewolves!" _Alice just shakes her head and mutters that she'd rather go shopping. _

_**Right, that was fairly quick. Good. Okay, next, lets zoom in on these two, shall we?**_

_Camera zones in on the imp and the wolf, who seem to have regained consciousness and are looking around, very confused. _

_**Great! From the epic game The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, we have famous characters Midna and Wolf Link!**_

"No! This is wrong! I'm supposed to be beautiful! I'm not supposed to be an imp! This is totally unfair!" _howls Midna. Link barks in agreement. _

_**Sorry. Imp Midna got more votes than Beautiful Midna. People seem to think it better fits your personality. **_

"Well, that's just wonderful. And just after I finally got my body back, too!" _huffs Midna. She then does a midair flip to land comfortably on Link's furry back and scratches him absentmindedly behind the ears. Link seems to smile, but as a wolf, it's difficult to tell. _

_**Well, now you all know what was barking inside that crate. Wooh! Almost done! Finally! And for our last two characters...**_

_Camera moves to view the giant rat and bat, who slowly also regain consciousness as the camera stays trained on them. _

_**And from the spectacularly written but little-known series of books, The Underland Chronicles, we have Ares the flier and Ribred the gnawer!!! **_

_Ares jumps into the air, flapping his giant wings and looking around wildly. _

"Gregor!" _he shouts. _"The Bane! Kill it now! Kill it, Gre..." _he trails off when he realizes he is not where he thinks he is. _

"Sorry to break it to you, Ares," _says Ripbred, who is busy combing sand out of his fur while trying not to think of the jungle. _"But you died. So did the Bane, so that's good for everyone, but you died."

_Ares obviously can't be bothered much by the fact of his own death. _"But Gregor!" _he says in his bat voice. _"What about Gregor? The prophecy called for his death. Is he alive?"

"Well, he was the last time I saw him. He went back to the Overland. But right now I don't even know if I'm alive. Maybe this is the island of death? No, if it were the island of death, Silksharp would be here..." _He trails off, apparently lost in thought, which is very out of character for him. _

_**Excellent! I have finally succeeded in introducing all of our characters to you, for those of you viewers who did not already know them. Now- wait, what's this?**_

_Two humanoid looking forms have begun to shimmer into view. _

_**What?! Two more characters! That's insane! That makes 20! I'm NOT getting paid enough for this. **_

_The forms of two boys are now made visible. One is tall, dark-haired, and has two black feathery wings protruding from his back. The other boy is rather lumpy looking; like he's a bit muscled but not quite. All of his skin is slightly furry, his face looks slightly wolfish, and he also has wings. However, these wings are not proportioned to his body; they look rather like they were sewn on by a blind person. _

_**Yeesh...and from the Maximum Ride series, we have Fang and Ari. Wooh. Awesome. Great. Let's move on. Okay, time to get everyone's attention. **_

_Another figure suddenly flickers into view; a tall girl with bright blue short spiky hair, bright green eyes, multiple piercings in both ears, bright yellow Converse and black nail polish. _

"Hey!" _she shouts. _"Everyone, look over here! And stop talking!"

_Miraculously, it works. Even the Johns shut up. _

"Okay," _she says. _"Let me introduce myself. I am the hostess of this show. Now, I know this will be hard for some of you to accept, but you are fictional characters. And some of you are dead. Okay. So, Carrion, Snape, Dobby, Mrs. Lovett, Mr. Todd, Ares, and Ari. You have all died. I'm sorry, but that's life. You have been handpicked to play in an enormous game of survival. All of you, stand by the person from your world. That means Carrion and the Johns, Snape and Dobby, Legolas and Gimli, and so on. You get the picture."

_A few characters complain about the standing arrangements, but no direct argument is put up. _

"Great!" _continues the girl. _"I hope you all like who you're standing with, becau-"

"Wait a second!" _shouts one of the John brothers. _"If we're all fictional, what are you from?"

"I'm not fictional," _says the girl. _"As the hostess, I have to be completely impartial. Therefore, I'm nonfictional."

"Well, that's hardly fair," _mutters the same John. _

"As I was saying, I hope you all like who you're standing with, because this is your partner for the game of survival you will be playing. The rules are simple: You cannot leave the island. You cannot team up with a person from a differnt fictional universe. You must find your own food. Killing and maiming is acceptable. Basically, the last team alive is the winner. Occasionally, we'll have votings. But I'll talk about that when the time comes. Goodbye, my characters, and good luck!"

_She vanishes. _

"Hey!" _howls Snape. _"Not faiiiiiiir! I want to team up with Carrion!!! NO FAIR!"

"Dobby will do his best to keep us alive, sir!"

_**As you viewers can probably tell, the diversity of the teams are very wide. Some of these pairings, like Link and Midna, Legolas and Gimli, and Alice and Emmett will do very well together. Others, such as Mark and Mimi, Mrs. Lovett and Mr. Todd, Ripred and Ares, and Jack and Jack will get along a little rockily social-wise, but can protect each other well enough if they try. And then the teams of Carrion and the Johns, Snape and Dobby, and Fang and Ari, who...might not do so great, but people can surprise you. That's it for the first episode. Let the games begin!!!  
**_


	2. Episode Two: The First Death

**Well, the first chapter of this story was enormously long. I'm trying to balance this one with my other story, because I gave myself a weekly deadline for this one, but somehow I don't think that's going to happen. Please be patient with me. I'm new at this.  
So anyway, this is chapter two of the crossover. If anyone can help me think of a title, I will welcome ideas. Thank you and enjoy the story.  
Also, for those of you who've read The Hunger Games, by Suzanne Collins, I didn't mean to make this story in any way resemble that. I just noticed it kind of sounded like that, but I didn't mean it to be that way. **

**Disclaimer: As totally awesome as it would be if I owned even one of these 10 amazing stories...I don't. *sob***

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**_Hello, viewers out there, and welcome to episode two of A Currently Titless Crossover! Every as you know, every week, our 20 characters will have to be kill or be killed. Who will be the first to perish at the hands of another fictional contestant? Will it be Jack the Monkey and Jack the Captain? Or maybe Mrs. Lovett and Mr. Todd? Or perhaps Mark Cohen and Mimi Marquez, from RENT? Only this week's episode will tell!_**

_Camera fades in on island from last episode. All characters are still standing around on the beach. They seem to be arguing amongst themselves. _

"You should all know, we're going to win this thing," _says Midna. _"Do you know who we are? We're two of the most powerful people in Hyrule AND the Twilight Realm!"

"I hate to burst your bubble," _says Ripred._ "But this isn't Hyrule. And you're wrong. It takes 400 skilled rats to bring me down. I'm going to win this thing."

"No you won't! Because you've got to win with your partner as a team, and you have a weak partner," _says Jack. _"My partner is very extremely more powerful than yours."

_Ares does not look pleased with this conversation, but he doesn't say anything. _

"Well, seeing as none of us want to be killed, I think the most obvious solution would be for you all to surrender to me so I will win," _says Carrion. _"And then once I win, I will no longer be dead and will be able to return to my planning of the Eternal Mid-"

"Oh, shut up about Eternal Midnight or Darkness or whatever!" _says Snape, sounding irritated. _"You haven't said anything besides your plots for darkness. I thought you were impressive at first, but now you're just repetetive and boring."

_Carrion swells indignantly. _"Do not speak to me like that!" _he shouts. _"I am far more powerful than you will ever be!"

"That's just it; you're NOT!" _Snape yells back. _"No one has ever read Abarat! No one knows who you are! You're part of one of the most least-known series in the world! You are NOT going to win!"

_Silence fills the air, as Carrion has just been pwned. _**(A/N: For those of you who live in the 18th century and think I can't spell the word "owned", the word pwned means the same thing as owned. Seriously. Get with it.) **

"Well," _Carrion finally says silkily, which everyone immediately recognizes as a bad sign. _"I had hopes for you, young Severus. But it seems now I shall be forced to win this single-handedly, and you shall be the first one I destroy!"

"Bring it!" _screams Snape. Carrion pulls a nightmare out of his collar as the rest of the characters watch in amazement. It slithers towards Snape, but he quickly pulls out his wand and vanishes the yellow tendril on the sand. Carrion stares in horror. _

"Well," _he sputters finally. _"We'll just have to see who comes out on top."

_Both Snape and Carrion grab their underling characters, who set up a chorus of complaints, and march away to opposite ends of the beach. _

_**Well, what a shocking display that was. It seems Carrion and Snape have severed their temporary alliance. Get it? Severed? Because Snape's first name is- you know what? Never mind. Let's take a look at what our other characters are doing. **_

_Mark seems to have taken some kind of command. _

"Listen, everyone!" _he shouts. _"None of us want to die, am I right? Well, we don't have to kill each other!" _He pauses to let this take effect. _"We don't have to play their game! We could sit right here, on the beach, and not kill each other."

_Nobody agrees. Mimi tugs on his bloodstained scarf. _

"Mark," _she whispers. _"Mark. This isn't the Life Cafe. Put your arms down."

_He looks frustrated but agrees before Sweeney can throw a razor at his head. _"Okay, then. I agree with Carrion. We will just have to see who comes out on top." _He makes those "I'm watching you" gestures as Mimi drags him away, toward the forest. _

_**There go two more, no doubt off to plot some epic demise so as to win the Title-less Crossover Game. Let's look at who we have left: AliceandEmmet, JackandJack, LinkandMidna, RipredandAres, LegolasandGimli, ToddandLovett, and FangandAri. **_

"Well," _begins Fang. Everyone turns to look at him. _"Seeing as how this is a major suckfest, I propose we all just split up and let the best bird-kid win."

"I second that," _says Gimli. _"Exempting the bird-kid part."

"First to the finish, then?" _asks Jack, repeating a line from his third movie. _

"Sounds excellent," _says Emmett, rubbing his hands together. He and Alice take each other's hands and run away into the forest after Mark and Mimi. Fang takes to the air, his powerful dark wings catching the sunlight in a glint of purple. Ari struggles into the air too, not nearly fast enough with his choppy wings, and follows Fang as best as he can. Legolas and Gimli also sprint into the forest, Legolas muttering something about making a bow. Ripred clambers onto Ares' back, and after a second's hesitation, the bat flies off toward the mountains. _

_**Wait, mountains? What mountains? There are no mountains on this island! What the *censored*!!! Okay, so, apparently now there are mountains on this little imaginary island. Whoop-de-dooh. Let's get back to the show now. **_

_Midna pulls on Link's fuzzy wolf ear, and he barks and runs away. Jack (the human) stares at Sweeney for a minute. _

"You look a lot like me," _he says. Sweeney flashes a razor at him. Jack tries to look impressive but ends up walking away a little too quickly. The Jack the monkey screeches again and runs after him. _

_**And that's a wrap!**_

_**No, just kidding. Commercial break, and we'll be right back!**_

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*Insert boring, lame commercial of your choice into this empty space. Personally, I like the ShamWow commercial. It's so freaking stupid.*

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_**And we're BACK! For those of you just tuning in, though I don't know why you would be, this is The Currently Title-less Crossover! Last half of the episode, our characters split up and ventured to different places on the island. Let's see what they're all doing. **_

_Camera fades in first on Mark and Mimi. Mark is sitting on the ground, staring into space. Mimi is also sitting on the ground, back to back with Mark, staring up at the sky. _

"I don't see anything," _she whispers. _

"Me neither."

"Is there a point to this?"

"We're not killers. Therefore the only way to win is to be smarter than the enemy. We don't have to kill...we just have to not be killed."

"So we're just going to sit on the ground?"

"Do you have a better idea?"

"Food," _she says immediately. _"I'm starving. And possibly shelter. I mean, c'mon. We're a wannabe film-maker and a strip-dancer. We're up against pirates, vampires, wolves, murderers, mutants, a giant rat on a giant bat, and I don't even know what that other guy was. That eternal-darkness-for-the-world guy"

"Great!" _shouts Mark, forgetting to be quiet. _"We'll build shelter! And I can film the whole thing to sell when we win."

"Um...if you're filming it, that means I'm..."

"Building it!"

"Why, Angel, why why why?" _she begs. _"Why THIS weekend?"

_**Well, obviously those two are not making any sort of big, extravagant ninja plans to murder the rest of the characters in their sleep. Let's look at someone else. **_

_Camera zooms around island to focus on Jack and Jack, who appears to have found his hat. The other Jack runs up with a bunch of bananas._

"Hey! Where the hell did you get those?"

_Jack the monkey: _Screeches loudly.

"Wonderful! So, if we just eat the bananas, we won't be hungry any more! Excellent, my friend." _He and the monkey slap high-fives. _

_**Hmm. I wish those two good luck. Maybe someone who actually knows what they're doing?**_

_Camera does the zoomy thing again and this time focuses on Midna and Link, deep in the forest. _

"Okay," _whispers Midna. _"So if we wait until nightfall, we can leave the prints here." _She points to a particular spot in the dirt, where it appears she has drawn a map. _"He's bound to see them right away, he's not stupid. I'm sure he'll start following the decoy. I don't know, depending on the tide, if the net will be visible. Obviously, it would be better if it wasn't. Then, we can loop around here..." _She draws an arc in the dirt. _"Even if he misses the trap, we'll be able to attack him. It'll probably be safer to try magic first. I don't like the look of those yellow snakes in his collar. If I can break the glass, it'll be up to you to take him down. Good plan?"

_Link stares at the map for a minute, then shakes his head and nudges his nose at the map. Midna stares too. _

"Oh, you're right," _she says, rubbing something out and drawing a new line. _"If we go this way, we could take out the blond guy and the short, beardy dude on the way. Good thinking."

_She and Link slap a high-five, although it doesn't quite work as well with wolf paws. _

_**See, those two know what they're doing! It helps that they've already saved TWO worlds together, of course. Alright, we could show you what all of the characters are doing, but to save time, we're going to fast-forward the tapes to tonight and show you where the action is. **_

_The island at night. Sweeney Todd and Mrs. Lovett are sitting on the beach. They have managed to build a fire. They are the only characters visible. Camera moves to the right, along the beach, and we see Carrion and the Johns. Carrion seems to be following some sort of trail. _

"What exactly is the point of this?!" _demands John Pluckitt loudly. He is shushed by the others. _

"How many times do I have to tell you?" _hisses Carrion, his face terrifying in the electric glow of the nightmares. _"We're following a trail of a possible threat to our success, and so with luck and skill, we will be able to catch them in their sleep and kill them. But only if you are QUIET!"

"Oh."

_They continue down the beach. Camera catches glimpses of a small orange blob in the forest. Upon further inspection, it is revealed that Midna and Link are silently walking alongside Carrion just behind the fringes of the trees. Or rather, Link is walking while Midna is riding comfortably on his back. They don't see Legolas and Gimli following them stealthily. Or rather, Legolas is following them stealthily with a large net in his hand while Gimli is riding uncomfortably on his shoulders to avoid making any noise. Camera angles up in the air to reveal Ares flying noiselessly in circles over their heads, with Ripred on his back. They look ready for a fight. Unfortunately for them, they don't notice Fang gliding above THEIR heads, making absolutely no sound. Ari is not with him. Sweeney suddenly raises his head and begins creeping off down the beach, following Carrion. Mrs. Lovett attempts to follow but he throws her a murderous glare and continues stalking the Prince of Midnight.  
_

_**Well, look at this. All of our possibly most deadly characters look like a fight to the death is in order, on their very first night of this game. As you can see, Sweeney is following Carrion, Carrion thinks he's following Link and Midna, who are being followed by Legolas and Gimli, who are being circled by Ares, who is being hunted by Fang. My my, they're not procrastinators, are they? Let's watch and see how this all plays out.**_

_Carrion suddenly stops walking, seeming to have found the end of the trail. He whispers something to Mischief, who starts to protest but stops when Carrion reaches into his collar and begins to pull out a nightmare. Mischief falls to his knees and begins digging through the sand. After a few seconds, he unearths a large net made of vines. Midna's face falls- he's found the trap. Carrion looks around, aware that he was being followed. Everyone is silent and immobile (except for the two who are flying, obviously), waiting for someone else to make move. Then Fang dives. _

_He lands directly on Ares' back, knocking Ripred off. Ripred falls to the ground with a squeak of surprise, landing on Gimli and knocking him off Legolas's shoulers. Gimli roars, all secrecy and stealth forgotten, and swings his axe at Ripred, who shakes off his surprise and begins to battle Gimli. Legolas turns around to help his friend, and Link and Midna realize they have been followed. Carrion sees Link and Midna and begins charging into the trees toward them. Sweeney takes advantage of his distraction and hurls a razor at his head, but misses. Link, Midna, and Carrion engage in a fight to the death, while Ripred, Gimli, and Legolas, and also Fang and Ares are doing the same. With nothing better to do, John Mischief attacks Sweeney to much encouragement from his brothers. _

_**Ohmygosh! Look at all of them! They're all about to fight until they die! Someone's going to get hur- oh wait. That's the point. Exciting! Let's see who gets whooped first. **_

_None of the characters have been beaten. All of them seem to be holding their own pretty well, although some of the battles are 2 against 1 and therefore not quite fair. But nobody is winning or losing. Camera fades back. We see that Mark, Mimi, Mrs. Lovett, Snape, Dobby, Jack, Jack, Alice, Emmett, and Ari are gathered on the beach, watching the fight. None of them are going to help anyone or cheering anyone on or throwing bananas embedded with staples. They're just standing and watching. _

"How long do you think before any of them dies?" _asks Mark. _

"No idea," _answers Emmett. _"They're all doing okay."

"You know, if this happens every night until all of them are dead, then we all have a chance of staying alive longer," _says Mrs. Lovett. _

"Not me," _says Ari. _"I'm going to expire."

"Good for you!" _beams Mrs. Lovett. _

"This is ridiculus," _Snape mutters to himself. _"Why don't they just use Avada Kedavra?"

"I'm going to expire," _persists Ari. _

"Dobby will try to help, sir!"

"How exactly...if one of us dies, does the other partner die too?" _muses Alice. _"Do they just...die, or what?"

"Let's find out," _says Jack. _

"It doesn't matter," _says Ari sadly. _"I'm going to expire."

"Oh, shut up," _mutters Dobby. _

"Dobby! What have I told you about speaking disrespectfully?" _asks Snape. _

"You is not Dobby's master!"

"Yes I am! You're dead!"

"You have died also, sir!"

"Jack," _begins Mimi. _

"CAPTAIN Jack, love."

"Um, Captain Jack...what exactly did you mean by 'let's find out?'

"This," _he replies. In a move that seems to require great bravery but in fact is just a show of how stupid he is, Jack the human pulls out his pistol and shoots Jack the Monkey. Jack screeches but the bullet has no effect on him. _

"Nope!" _Jack replies cheerfully, replacing his pistol. _"I guess you get three chances or something."

_All of the rest of the characters stare at him incredulously. _

"What?"

_Silence. _

"WHAT?"

_**How dense is this character? He just shot an undead monkey. UNDEAD THINGS CANNOT DIE, SIMPLETON! **_

"Well, in that case..." _Jack grins, apparently unphased by his blatant show of idiocy, pulls out his pistol, and shoots himself, only going further in proving his imbecile-ness.  
_

_The rest of the characters stare at him as the grin slowly fades from his face and Jack sinks down into the sand. They all look slightly horrified and or squeamish. _

"Did he...honestly just kill himself?" _asks Mimi. _"Jesus! How stupid can you get?"

_The hostess of the show flickers into view, looking like appearing on desert islands in the middle of the night because a deranged pirate killed himself is something she does on an everyday basis. She glows like a holographic image, which is likely because she seems to be floating a few feet off the ground. _

"You're a projection!" _shouts Mark excitedly and unnecessarily. _

"Uh no duh," _says the hostess. _"You're not as impressive as I thought you would be in person. ANYWAY!" _She turns to the dead Jack on the ground. _"Hmm. I had higher hopes for him. But this solves the problem of how an undead monkey was going to die. Congrats, Jack the monkey! Since your team member is dead, you don't have to be killed. Hey, all of you!" _she then shouts to all of the people fighting about 100 feet away. _"Everyone! Shut up a minute." _No effect. She sighs. _"QUIET!!!" _All characters freeze for a few seconds as if they've been shocked by an electric wire. Ares and Fang slowly spiral to the ground like dead leaves. _"Great. Thanks. Now, all of you here, bear witness. The first death of the Title-less-Crossover has occurred. Captain Jack Sparrow, from movie trilogy Pirates of the Caribbean, perished. Cause of death: accidental suicide."

"That's not a real death!" _shouts John Moot. _"There's no such thing as accidental suicide. If it was suicide it wasn't an accident and if it was an accident it wasn't suicide."

"Ignoring that, I wish you all to bow your heads and give a moment of silence to this first contestant to leave the show." _Pause. _"Hahahaha! Just kidding. For reals, though, for future reference, don't let your death be something as stupid as this. As is tradition, there is a no-murder rule in state for twelve hours after the death of a character. Violation of this rule with result in automatic disqualification. Thank you, and goodnight."

_She disappears. A few seconds later, a magical reality-fiction portal appears and swallows up Jack's body. Jack the monkey screeches as he is sucked into the portal too. It vanishes, and the island is exactly as it was a few minutes before, minus Jack and Jack. _

_Ripred is the first to speak. _

"No murder rule!" _he bursts angrily. _"What a waste of time! I was about to win, too."

"You were not," _taunts Midna. _"I saw you. You were losing."

"I was doing no such thing!"

"Whatever. I'm going to sleep now while I can't be killed doing it," _mutters Mimi. _

"It doesn't matter for me. I'm going to expire."

"Shut up, Ari!"

_**Well, folks, this has been an exciting episode, but now it's drawing to a close. Our first dead character, Jack Sparrow, is being transported through a virtual fiction-imaginary-reality tunnel as we speak, back to his own world. Don't worry, he's not dead there. Tune in next week to see another character get his or her butt murdered and kicked off the show. This is Voice, saying goodnight and...goodnight. **_

"Wow, what a lame closer!"

"Shut up, Sallow."

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**And that's it for episode two! Thank you very much for reading. The killing off of Jack was purely coincidential. I honestly put all the names of my characters in a hat and had my younger sister (Who's pen name is Green Cows Eat Grass [yay for advertising!] if you're interested) pull out one to see who would die this episode. If you want to vote for who stays or who goes next time, drop a review in that box down there. HINT HINT. Otherwise, it'll be up to chance. Thank you, everyone! This is Mark saying Live long and prosper, be careful what you wish for, and don't eat yellow snow. **

**~Mark is watching  
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	3. Epidose Three: Cut in Half by Football

**Well, congratulations! You've managed to find episode three of a Currently Title-less Crossover. Awesome! You're such a smart cookie. So, anyway, I can't really think of anything that needs to be said here, so I'll just shut up now so you can read what you want to read. WAIT I just thought of something to say. So far I've been good about keeping the episodes consistently on Thursday evenings. But if future episodes aren't up in time, please don't yell at me. I'm doing my best to keep them coming and if I'm late I'll get it up as fast as I can. Thanks. :)**

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**Oh wait, hang on a second. I forgot my disclaimer. **

**Disclaimer: You know what? I can't think of any good lines, so I'll just say it like a boring person: I don't own any of these stories, which means I do not own Rent, Harry Potter, Twilight, Abarat, Lord of the Rings, Maximum Ride, Sweeney Todd, The Underland Chronicles, or the Legend of Zelda; Twilight Princess. Even though I wish I did. Yes, it's a sad world. But I have chocolate, so that's almost as good. :)**

**Okay, now you can read it.

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_Hello, world! Welcome back this Thursday night to another episode of your favorite show - no, not Family Guy, not Heroes, not America's Funniest Home e, not The Simpsons, not House, not Hannah Montana, not iCarly, not Zach and Cody, not Spongebob, Dora, Dragon Tales, Arthur, or Caillou , but yes, you guessed it, A Currently Title-less Crossover!!!!! Wooh!!!! Last week, all of our players split up accordingly, had a fight-to-near-death but didn't get a chance to kill each other because Captain Jack stupidly killed himself to test whether or not you could actually die on this show. Turns out you can, apparently. So the two Jacks were our first characters to leave the show. Which character will be killed off this week? Keep watching to find out. Also, we have an announcement: Due to football schedules in our region (we don't know about yours) this show has been cut from an hour time slot to a half-hour time slot. Which means this episode will be very short. We apologize for the inconvenience but it wasn't our fault. So go squirt those football players with Super Soakers. Okay. I'm going to shut up now, because this isn't one of those shows that talks the whole time about what happened and what's going to happen instead of actually RUNNING THE SHOW okay I'm shutting up.  
_**

_Camera fades in on Fang and Ari. Fang is not saying anything, but is visibly steaming about not being able to kill his flying opponent while he had the chance. Ari is also not saying anything, and is evidently trying to look small and meek, neither of which are working at all given his horrific appearance. After a few minutes, however, this being quiet is obviously too much for the human-avian-lupine mutant. _

"Fang...I'm going to expire," _he says softly. Fang rounds on him immediately. _

"Shut the hell up, Ari! I don't give a DAMN if you're going to expire. If you die, all that means for me is that I might get kicked off the show because my partner is dead. No, you know what? Scratch that. My partner won't be dead, 'cause you're not my partner. MAX is my partner. You're the lame-brain flying Eraser who I HATE but got stuck with anyway. I would kill you myself, but then I would probably get disqualified. So please. If you want to have any minuscule chance at redeeming yourself with me, please, PLEASE just shut up and don't expire until AFTER I win this. Man," _he adds, blowing off the last of his steam. _"I cannot BELIEVE Max cried at your funeral."

_Ari seems to perk up at this. _"She cried at my funeral?"

"Yeah," _mutters Fang, apparently done talking after his out-of-character rant. _"And Nudge. And Total."

"Anyone else?"

"Doesn't matter." _Fang sighs to himself, then takes a few steps forward and launches himself into the air, spreading out his enormous black wings and soaring away, toward the beach, like some immense hawk. Ari sighs too, alone again. _

"I'm going to expire," _he murmurs softly to himself. _

_**It seems Fang has a long way to go before he forgives Ari. I wonder how long they'll last this way. Let's have a look at...Mrs. Lovett and Mr. Todd, shall we?**_

_Camera does the really cool zooming-around thing to focus on Sweeney and Nellie sitting on the beach. _

_**And here they are! Looks like their spot hasn't moved since last night. Sweeney seems to be in a bad mood. Oh, wait, never mind. I forgot that's just his face.**_

"I must get to the judge," _he mutters to himself. _

"Mista Tee..."_begins Mrs. Lovett softly. _

"Death."

"But you don't even know what I was about to ask.

"Death."

"Fine, then, I won't see if I can go find us some food even thought I'm starving."

"I must get to the judge."

_Mrs. Lovett sighs. _"The judge isn't HERE!"

"Death, death, death..."

_**Well, those two...could do with some help, if you ask me. Which you shouldn't, because I'm just the announcer, so I'm not supposed to be opinionated. Let's look at Ripred and Ares now, por favor. As we know, or maybe as some of you don't know, Ripred is a rager; a natural born killer. As he himself commented in the last episode, he cannot be taken down by less than 400 enormous rats. Underland rats. Ripred is also not known for being the kindest, most compasionate of rats. In fact, since his mate and pups were killed, he's basically been friendless and without love. How's he getting along with Ares, I wonder? Let's find out. **_

_Camera zooms around, blah, blah, blah. Focuses on Ripred, standing in the middle of the open plane. He's pacing around in circles. There's a thin line in the grass that signifies he has been doing this for hours. Ares at first cannot be found, but the camera tilts up to capture him gliding around in no particular pattern, just flying to fly. _

"Would you get down!" _hisses Ripred at him. _"I told you, our first threat is that flying kid. The one with wings. He's a freak."

_**Says the giant rat.**_

"We have to take him out first. Afterwards, the rest of them are sitting ducks. Well, maybe not." _He shakes his head frustratedly. _"That girl on the wolf. The greasy man with the elf. The guy with snakes in his collar. All of them. Magic. What the heck! How are we supposed to go up against them when they have an unfair advantage? This game is run by sadists!

_***Cough, cough* I really have no idea what he's talking about. **_

"So, obviously the flying kid is our priority. After him, we need to take out those other three. It won't be tricky. We'll need an excellent plan. Any ideas?"

"Why do you assume I agree with you?"

_Ares says this so quietly its difficult to tell if that's what he said. _

"What?"

"Perhaps I do not agree with you. Perhaps I am tired of you assuming position as leader!" _snaps the bat. _

_**My, my. Being dead seems to have both worsened Ares' mood and increased his volume and willingness to speak up. And his courage. It's unlikely anyone's ever spoken to Ripred like that and gotten away with it.  
**_

_Ripred looks slightly shocked. Ares realizes he may have crossed a line because he starts flying again, but very low to the ground. _

"So you're agreeing with me?"

"I suppose," _mutters Ares. _

"Well, then, come down here and help me think of a plan. All of this hiding out and not knowing where anyone else is is driving me insane."

_Ares lands with a sigh, folding his wings carefully and balancing on his small feet. _

_**Well, we can't hang around here any longer. Rule of show is that you can't find out what people's plans are before they've decided on one. And we totally did NOT ignore that rule last episode for Link and Midna. OH MY GIDDY GOD'S TROUSERS, we're out of time. Holy crap, this show was extremely short. Damn you, football! As sad as it is, this WILL be our last episode until next Thursday, when I promise we will show you everything exciting that's happened. We will have a full hour next week, I swear. **_

_**As always, I hope you've enjoyed tonight's episode. If you want to see a character voted off the show, just drop us a line and we'll try to, erm, manipulate things a bit. Flying coconuts and such. Tune in next week to see the action that we didn't have time for tonight. This is The Amazing Announcer saying goodnight, and Live long and prosper!**_

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**And that's a wrap! Thanks for reading, people. This episode is short because my two options were A) Give you and episode but make it short or B) Not give you one at all. Be grateful. I promise there'll be much more exciting stuff next week. **

**So, tell me what you think. Do you love it? Think it was okay? Hate it so much you think I should burn in H-E-double-hockey-sticks forever for attempting such a sad piece of fanfiction? Drop me a review to give me your thoughts. HINT. HINT. Also, so far only one person has asked to have his/her favorite characters remain on the show, so only six of our currenty 18 are safe. If you don't tell me what you'd like, you may find your favorites being murdered next week. Peace owt and I hope you liked it.  
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	4. Episode Four: An Unexpected Love

**Finally, episode four! I don't want to unnecessarily drag this out, so I'll make it very short. Nitwit. Blubber. Oddment. Tweak. Thank you. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of these amazing stories. So there. **

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**_Hello, viewers out there. Welcome back on this Thursday night to watch favorite characters bash themselves up in our epic storyline. Fortunately, this week's episode will be full-length unlike last week's. And yes, there is another death this week. The only question is...who shall it be? Keep watching to find out. _**

_Camera fades in on island. Standing on the beach are Carrion and Snape, face to face and looking menacing. Circling above their heads are Fang and Ares. Camera focuses to show Ari struggling to stay airborne behind Fang. Camera goes back to Carrion and Snape. _

"You believe yourself to be more powerful than I?" _asks Carrion slowly. _"I, the Prince of Midnight, Lord of Darkness, most powerful man in the entire Abarat? You are nothing more than a sorcerer's apprentice."

"I have news for you, Christopher," _says Snape. _"THIS ISN'T ABARAT! I was companion to two of the most powerful to ever live. And I now challenge you to a FACE-OFF!"

_Carrion draws himself up to his full height. _

"I most gratefully accept your invitation to DESTROY you."

"I'm sure you won't be gloating for long."

"Terms?"

"Here. Now. No outside help. To the death."

"Excellent. This will be short and quick." _Carrion rubs his hands together. _"Ready?"

"More ready than you'll ever be."

"Your confidence is wasted. But if you insist...MISCHIEF! BRING IN THE DS LITES!"

_Mischief scuttles in sideways, holding a black and a pink DS Lite. _**(A/N: I don't mean to advertise with this or anything, I just put in a DS instead of a PSP or a Gameboy because I actually have a DS so I know how it works.) **_He hands the pink one to Carrion and the black one to Snape. Snape gasps. _

"Hey, that's not fair! I wanted the pink one!"

"Too bad," _smirks Carrion._ "They're preset to go directly to a wireless connection battle-game once we turn them on. Ready..."

"Set..."

"GO!" _they both roar together. They flip open the DS's, flick on the power switch, and immediately begin tapping away furiously at the tiny screen and buttons. _

_**My, my. It seems these two have certainly got it in for each other. I never thought I would live to see the day when an Epic DS Battle would take place again. I count myself among one of the lucky few to witness this incredible event. This may take several hours, however, so let's see what Fang and Ares are doing. **_

_Camera fades slowly up, to reveal that Fang and Ares are still slowly circling each other. Camera takes new angle to view Ripred standing below them on the ground, hissing and constant stream of advice that Ares probably cannot hear._

"Prepare to be taken down, bat-dude," _calls Ari behind Fang. Fang shoots him and irritated look and keeps circling. Ares pointedly ignores him. _"Fang's the best fighter that ever lived, 'cept Max, of course. I bet you wouldn't stand a chance against him if he was asleep. This guy can take down a million Erasers all at the same time with his hands behind his back and both eyes closed. You're fight is going to be so pitiful, you might as well just surrender now and drown yourself so we wouldn't have to look at your ugly face anymore..." _Ari continues on in this manner as Ares and Fang continue to silently circle on another. _

_**I expect Ari could do this for several hours if he tried. And it looks as though Carrion and Snape are still fairly equal. Neither group seems to be making a vast amount of progress, so let's look at someone else while we wait. How about...mmm...Legolas and Gimli. What are they doing during this exciting venue? Does anyone know what venue actually means? Nobody? GREAT! Let's see that zooming thing again. **_

_Camera zooms to show the elf and dwarf sitting in the meadow that Ripred and Ares recently occupied. Both are holding about 5 cards in their hands and staring intently. _

"Got any...3's?" _asks Gimli without much hope. Legolas, although four of his cards are 3's, shakes his head. _"Sorry. Go fish. Got any...6's?" _Gimli smirks, shaking his head in mock sadness. _"Sorry, sucker. _Although all five of his cards are sixes._ "Go fish."

_**Wait, five sixes from one deck? How is that even possible? Where the heck did they even get the cards?  
**_

"Hey, when you're a magical elfin prince from Mirkwood, Middle Earth, you can do anything you feel like doing," _smirks Legolas. Pause. _"Wait, five sixes? What the hell!"

"Mercy!" _shouts Gimli as Legolas tackles him. _"Have mercy!"

_Legolas soon has Gimli in a tight headlock, and the dwarf is struggling to breath. _

"Let go,_" he wheezes. _"C'mon, let go. It was just a joke."

"Sing the song."

"You're joking!"

"Sing it."

"I will not."

"SING THE SONG!"

_Sigh. Then he begins to sing quietly, to the tune of Farmer in the Dell. _"Legolas is king, Legolas is king, I'm a worthless piece of scum, and he is just the best. He is just so strong, he can run so fast, that I look like a maggot-worm and he is just the best. His hair is shiny blond, his eyes are shiny grey, my hair is tangled and dirty and he is just the best."

_Legolas thinks for a moment, then appears to decide Gimli's song is satisfactory. He lets go of the dwarf, who falls to the ground, choking. _

_**Well, look at that. Gimli's finally given in to becoming Legolas's bitch. Bet he regrets that now. Great song, though. Great song. Looks like Leggy won't be laughing for long, though.  
**_

_Camera angles to show Sweeney crouching behind some trees that ring the meadow, which is actually a clearing. Standing up silently, he extends his arm and chucks a razor straight for Legolas's shiny hair. Gimli knocks him out of the way in time, and Legolas thinks Gimli is attacking him, so they begin a spectacular wrestling match. Sweeney creeps up behind them, retrieves his razor, and is about to stab Legolas in the back when he is knocked backward into the ground by Mimi, who barrels out of nowhere. Sweeney roars in anger. _

"Uhm, gosh, sorry, Mister Barker," _says Mimi. _"It was Mark's idea. He wanted to film a fight scene, which means I have to do all the work."

_Sweeney pays no attention to anything she says except for two crucial words. _

"BARKER!" _he bellows, waving his razors around like a cockroach that's been flipped over. _"MY NAME IS TODD! YOU'RE A BARKER! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-" _he stops suddenly, getting a good, solid, long look at Mimi's face for the first time. _"Oh my god. You're...you're...so beautiful..."

"Uhm..." _says Mimi, obviously weirded out. Both of them are completely ignoring Legolas and Gimli who are rolling around in the grass, punching and kicking. _"Thanks, I guess."

"You're the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on," _says Sweeney, his eyes trained on her in reverence. He looks extremely creepy. _"And I have sailed the world and seen its wonders, all the way to Peru. I've never seen a girl as pretty as you. Pretty women, I've seen. Yes, pretty women. Sitting in their windows or combing out their hair. Something in them cheers the air. You're a pretty woman. Pretty women. Proof of heaven as you're living."

_**Is this truly happening? Is the demon barber of Fleet Street falling in love with an S&M dancer junkie from New York? This could turn very interesting. **_

"Uh, that's very nice of you, mister demon, but, no offense, you're cree-"

"NO!" _shouts Mark, coming out of nowhere also. Only on TV can people do this. He is holding his camera up to his face. _"Keep going! Don't kill his vibe! I want to see how this turns out."

"Are you crazy?"

"NO! I CAN TASTE THE CLOUDS! DELICIOUS, FLUFFY CLOUDS!" _Pause. _"Keep going. Encourage him."

"I'm surrounded by crazies," _mutters Mimi. _"How the hell am I supposed to encourage him?"

"Don't breathe too deep! Don't think all day! Dive into work! Drive the other way! Everything goes away, just play the game."

_**I love having musical characters on the show. Who doesn't love a world where everybody breaks into song?**_

"Uhm...why, thank you very much, Mr. Todd."

"Please,_" begs Sweeney. _"Call me Sweeney."

"Of...of course, Sweeney. You're a very handsome man, if I may say so."

_**By the way, has anyone ever wondered what kind of first name is SWEENEY anyway? I mean, c'mon! It sounds like swiney or something. Sweeney. Sweene. Swine. **_

"May I offer you a walk back to my camp? It is not much, and there is a random annoying red-headed woman there, but we could probably get rid of her if we tried."

_Mark keeps filming and Mimi takes Sweeney's arm and begins walking off with him. She doesn't look too pleased about this turn of events, but doesn't look exactly unhappy either. _

"You do know, the point of this game is for us to kill each other."

"Oh, fair lady! I would never hurt you. In fact, nothing's going to harm you. Not while I'm around. Nothing at all, nothing will harm you, not while I'm around. If you don't mind my asking, may I ask your name?"

"They call me...they call me...Mimi."

_Mark follows them off into the trees, filming all the while. _

_**Somewhere in a NYC aparment...**_

_*Roger is staring at a TV screen in horror. "THAT'S MY GIRLFRIEND!" he roars at the LCD lights as Collins and Maureen howl with laughter and fall out of their seats.*_

_**What a shocking turn of events! Who would ever expect that Sweeney would fall for Mimi? Of course, if they keep this up, one of them will be disqualified for teaming up with a different fictional character than the one from their own universe. Let's go back and look at our people on the beach. **_

_Camera zoomszoomszooms around. Carrion and Snape are still tapping away like crazy people, occasionally bursting out with _"HA! You just got pwned!" _or _"That's NOT fair!". _Ari is still going strong with his steady stream of insults as Ares and Fang are still just slowly circling each other. Ares face is considerably more tense, and all of his hair is standing on end. It's obvious Ari has been getting to him. _

"You know what? Your mother was a chipmunk and your father smelt of elderberries! I laugh in your general direction, you pathetic bat-fool! You're so wimpy, I bet even a regular sized bat could take you down. You're weaker than a cat pushing a watermelon out of a lake, you weakling f-"

"ENOUGH!" _roars Ares finally, obviously provoked by Ari. _

"What are you doing!" _shouts Ripred on the ground, but he can do nothing to stop Ares. The giant bat is flying directly toward Ari, who looks like he regrets his insults. He tries to back up, but Ares is a much more experienced flier. He grabs the poor Eraser-boy in his claws and begins dragging him through the air, a word escaping his teeth with every flap of his wings. _"I - am - not - weak! - You - are - the - weak - one - Let - us - see - if - freaks - can - breathe - under - water!" _Ares reaches the edges of the beach, and with a final heave, flings Ari out far to sea. The boy lands in the water and does not resurface. Fang, back over the island, looks extremely torn. _

_**Well, this is quite a predicament. Obviously, Fang hates Ari's guts, but if he doesn't rescue him, he'll be eliminated. How does he handle the decision?**_

_Fang gives a roar of frustration and begins flying after Ari. However, this is a big mistake. The second his shadow leaves the sand and is reflected on the water, there is a loud POP and the hostess of the show appears, bright yellow converse and all, directly in front of Fang. _

"I'm sorry," _she says, sounding genuinely sorry. _"But you left the island. This is one of the only rules on the show, and you broke it. I have no choice but to inform you and your partner are hereby being disqualified from A Currently Title-less Crossover for transgression of Rule #2. We were glad to have you on the show."

"What!?" _howls Fang indignantly. _"That's not fair at all! I was going to save my partner! He left the island first."

"He was thrown. You left voluntarily. But even if he had left the island first, you still would have been disqualified. Goodbye, Fang and Ari. It was a pleasure to have you with us."

_Another magical portal that only amazing authors can conjour up in way-cool crossovers appears in the air, and Fang is sucked in before he can say another word. Ari is dragged out of the water by force of the portal and he is also sucked in. It disappears, leaving no trace of the avian-human (-lupine) combiants. _

"Everyone!" _says the hostess, clapping her hands loudly. Carrion and Snape look up from the game. _"We have just had an elimination. The same with deaths, there is a no-killing rule in state for the next twelve hours. You can fight all you want, but no one is allowed to die. Until the next time I am called here, let me just say, good luck, live long and prosper!" _With a wave and cheerful smile, the hostess vanishes. Carrion and Snape immediately go back to their game like nothing happened. _

"Well!" _snarls Ripred as Ares lands on the ground next to him. _"I hope you're proud of yourself."

"Yes."

"What happened to sticking with the plan?!"

"The plan hit and unexpected complication."

_Ripred stares at Ares for a few minutes. Ares stares right back, defiant. Finally, Ripred chuckles. _

"We way win this thing yet."

_**Aaaaaaaaand we are OUTOFTIME! Thank you, thank you, one and all, for tuning in again this week for your favorite show in the world.**_**_ No, not Family Guy, not Heroes, not America's Funniest Home Videos, not The Simpsons, not - hey....didn't I just do this last episode? Damn, I hate when I do that. Well, for all you viewers out there, tune in next week to find out which characters will be next to leave the show! Until then, goodnight, and big balls. _**

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**There you are! I hope you liked it. I realized lately that no one likes reading these lame things at the bottom, so I'll just say please REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW TELL YOUR FRIENDS JOIN THE REBELLION LIGHT EVERYTHING ON FIRE!!!!**

**Laterz**

**Mark  
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	5. Episode Five: Goodbye Love

**Before you even say anything, yes, I know, this episode is a week late. And I'm sorry, if you care. If you don't, well then this doesn't matter. Enjoy the episode! And also thanks to the people who've left such nice reviews. Alright. I'm shutting up. **

**Disclaimer: You know what? I'm not even going to try and say anything clever for this. I don't own these. Suck it up.  
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**_Hello, and welcome back once again to a Currently Title-less Crossover! Yes, we are airing a week late, and we apologize. But for now, let's just continue on like nothing ever happened. You don't need a summary, right? You've kept up. You know what happened last time. So as of right now, we're going to skip to right after the 12-hour rule has just ceased to take effect. What's going on with Carrion and Snape?_**

_Camera fades in on beach. Dobby halfway through an elaborate sand castle that's twice as tall as him, complete with moat, drawbridge, decorational shells, and a little battalion of soldiers. John Mischeif and his brothers are talking quietly (for once) about cheese. Carrion and Snape are still sitting on the sand, DS's up to their noses (Or in Carrion's case, up to his glass collar). Both of their eyes are rimmed red and watery from staring at an LCD screen for so long. _

"Must...not...blink..." _grunts Snape as he taps ferociously at the A button. _

"Must...kill...greaseball..." _mutters Carrion as he attacks the screen with the stylus. _

"Must...shut...up..." _grumbles John Serpent. _

_**Yes, viewers, this has been going on for several hours. We don't even know what game they're playing. The cameras don't have enough level of zoom to see the screens from where they're positioned. But as you can see, they're each very determined to defeat the other. Unfortunately, with 12 hours without any kind of break, both batteries are preparing to give out. Look, both lights are red. **_

"No!" _shouts Carrion as his light begins to flash. _"Must defeat wizard before battery dies."

"Battery is life!" _yells Snape in turn. _"Must win before life dies. If life dies, me dead."

_**So, you know what they say? That LCD lights kill brain cells? Apparently it's true. And as much as we know that you would love to stay here and watch the rest of this epic, blazing battle, we're going to show you an exciting development that's underway. **_

_Zoomyzoomzoom...focus on in deep forest. Sweeney Todd is having a silent conversation with Nellie Lovett, consisting of mostly nods, jerks of heads, and threatening hand gestures. _

_**And look here! We have Sweeney and Nellie having a silent conversation consisting mostly of nods, jerks of heads, and threatening hand gestures!**_

_That's what I said. _

_**Shut up, you're just the camera. You can't steal my lines. All you're allowed to do is narrate. It looks as though...**_

_Sweeney jerks his head violently to the left, making his hair flop in his face. Mrs. Lovett shakes her head and tries to grab his hands. _

_**...Sweeney wants Nellie to leave, but Nellie just wants to stay with him. Either that, or Sweeney really has to go to the bathroom, but Nellie wants him to do it where she can see him. How perverted. Oh, let's see what's going on over there!**_

_Camera catches glimpse of Mimi standing a few feet behind Sweeney, and a few feet behind her is Mark, camera rolling nonstop. _

_**It looks as though Mark has not yet given up on making an extreme documentary to sell after he wins this. (His plan, not ours.) And, being the only person Mark is comfortable making contact with, Mimi is still filming subject. Oh, it looks as though Sweeney just won the argument with skillful tact and speaking delicacy. **_

_Sweeney has evidently picked up Mrs. Lovett by the collar of her low-cut dress and thrown her headfirst into some thorny bushes. _

_**There's just something about him that bends her to his will. Ooooh, what's he planning now?**_

_Sweeney has taken off his jacket and he lays in on the ground of the forest, gesturing to Mimi. _

"May I offer you a seat, oh beautiful one? It is nothing worthy of your class, and that knowledge pains me, but it is the best I can offer you in our current - ah, - predicament. Will you do me the honor of sitting down."

"Sure thing," _says Mimi, and ungraciously flops down on his weirdly blue jacket. Mark quickly winds his camera up and focuses it back on the couple. Sweeney sits delicately close to Mimi. _

"So, uh, Sweeney, how did you end up like this, anyway?"

"Like this? Like what? Of what do you speak?"

"Well, I mean, your hair is super cool and all, and it fits your whole 'I'm-an-emo-serial-killer' ideal, but you didn't used to be like this, right? You used to be married, you had a kid, and London had actual color before it was all leeched out with lighting techniques. I mean, I never even saw the whole movie, but you were seriously messed up."

"Alas, although many of those words made absolutely no sense to me, I will do my very best to explain. I was once married, yes. And she was beautiful. I was a very foolish barber, she was my reason and my life, and she was beautiful, and she was virtuous, and I was naive."

"You sound like Mark when he talks about Maureen."

_Heard from background: _"I do not sound like that!"

"But that makes sense. Go on."

"There was another man who saw that she was beautiful. A pious vulture of the law, who with a gesture of his claw, removed the barber from his plate-"

_Le gasp. _"He cheated at baseball! That bastard! No wonder you're so messed up."

"Um..."

"Mimi, it's a figure of speech," _calls Mark._

"Oh."

"He removed the barber from his plate, then there was nothing but to wait, and she would fall, so soft, so young, so lost and oh so beautiful...but it was many years ago. I doubt if anyone would know..."

"I would know..." _says Mrs. Lovett, emerging from the bushes with many leaves and twigs about her being. _"This judge, you see, wanted her like mad. Every day, he'd send her a flower. But did she come down from her tower? Of course not. Sat up there and sobbed by the hour. Poor thing. But there was worse yet to come!"

_**DRAMA DRAMA! LET'S ALL HANG ON HER EVERY WORD LIKE WE DON'T ALREADY KNOW WHAT SHE'S ABOUT TO SAY!!!**_

"The beadle calls on her all polite, poor thing. The judge, he tells her is all contrite, he blames himself for her dreadful plight, she must come straight to his house tonight, poor thing. Of course when she goes there, poor thing, they're having this ball all in masks. There's no one she knows there, poor dear, poor thing, she wanders, tormented, and drinks, poor thing. The judge has repented, she thinks, poor thing. Oh, where is Judge Turpin? she asks."

**_Like, omfg, I SO wonder what is about to happen. _**

_Mrs. Lovett draws herself up dramatically. _"He was there all right! Only not so contrite! She wasn't no match for such craft, you see, and everyone thought it so droll. They figured she had to be daft, you see, so all of them stood there and laughed, you see, poor soul. Poor thing."

_Mimi sits, looking expectant and confused. _

"Great...so...um...what the hell was all of that supposed to mean?"

_**Mimi, use your head. The judge deported Sweeney and wanted to marry his wife. When she refused, he lured her to his house under false pretenses and raped her in front of loads of people. **_

_Now Mimi gasps. _"OH NO HE DIDN'T!!!!

"Yes," _says Mrs. Lovett morosely. _"He did."

"So...that's why you're so messed up."

"Yes...but...I have...how do you modern people phrase it? Gotten over it."

"Really? I sure wouldn't have gotten over that if it were me. That must have been really, really awful."

_**Wow, Mimi is being a lot my sympathetic to Sweeney than she was to Roger when Roger told her about April. **_

"I have not...gotten over it...until very recently. Several hours ago, in fact, when I first saw your face. All thoughts of Lucy quickly vanished. And you," _he says, turning to Mrs. Lovett. _"Why are you still here? I threw you in some bushes, did I not?"_ Picking her up again, he marches off a few feet and hurls her over to where Mark is hidden behind some trees. Going back down to sit next to Mimi..._

"As I was saying...I was distraught for several months, and even resorted to killing many people who came for me to get a shave. However, I did finally succeed in killing the man who caused my wife to attempt suicide."

"Attempt suicide?"

"Alas, the arsenic had not killed her. I killed her myself, by mistake, and was so driven to madness that I shut Mrs. Lovett there in an oven and allowed her orphan brat to kill me with my own razor."

"Woah."

"Yes. But life goes on, wouldn't you say?"

"Yes. Life goes on, but I'm gone, cuz I die without you..." _says Mimi before she can stop herself. _

_**Ha! Isn't this fun? These musical characters seem to not even fully realize when they're reciting lines. **_

_Sweeney's eyes are shining with a light of devotion. _

"No!" _said Mimi. _"I didn't mean it! It's something I say about someone else. Well, um..." _she falters, and Sweeney's face crumples. _

"Someone else? Tell me, tell me, who is this someone else?" _asks Sweeney, suddenly leaning toward Mimi with a strange expression on his face. Mimi stares into his eyes. _

"No one..." _she whispers, caught in his gaze. _"No one at all...there's only you."

"Damn," _whispers Mark. _"There's no song that goes with this! It would make this scene so perfect."

"Mimi...I realize that we do not know each other very well, and that the only purpose for which we were both placed on this godforsaken island was so we would have the chance to murder on another, but I feel about you the way I have never felt about any woman in my life. Please, tell me how you feel about me."

"I...I..."

_**No! Mimi! Don't say it!**_

"I love you."

_**OH SNAP SHE WENT THERE! Well, that was a failure. And it should be...any second...yes, here she is.**_

_With a crackle of neon electricity, the hostess of the show (who is still nameless) appears, this time with combat boots and black lipstick, looking very rebellious and punk-rock. _

"Mimi!" _she explodes angrily. _"I had more faith in you. I was sure you'd last longer than this! I even had a bet going that you'd be able to win because none of the guys here would want to kill you. Man. You made me lose $50. And I don't even have $50! What the hell!"

"Um...sorry?"

"You'd better be sorry! And I'm not even unhappy that I have to kick your ass off this show."

"You know what they say...they say that I have the best ass below 14th street..."

"Shut up! I usually feel sorry for whoever has to leave, but this time, missy, I'm going to take great pleasure in announcing the fact that YOU, MIMI MARQUEZ AND MARK COHEN, ARE HEREBY DISQUALIFIED for pairing up with a member of another team!"

"No!"_ shouts Mark as the portal appears and he is beginning to get sucked into it. _"No! Mimi! You failed me! I was going to win! To winnnnnnnnnnnnnn..." _He is sucked into the portal and vanishes. _

"No!" _shouts Mimi in turn, seizing Sweeney's hands and hanging on. _"Goodbye, love! Goodbye love! Just came to say, goodbye, love. Goodbye!" _And she is wrenched away and vanishes. The portal closes and the world returns to normal, minus two more beloved characters._

"Not again," _groans Sweeney, and sinks to the ground in agony. Mrs. Lovett once again emerges noisily from the bushes. _

"It's okay, Mista Tee. I'm still here. We'll be okay, and we may win this yet."

_Sweeney's face darkens malevolently. _

"I must get to the judge..."

"Oh dear lord..."

_**And it looks as though we are just about out of time, folks. Wow, that's two episodes in a row with eliminations instead of deaths. What will happen next time?**_

_**And also, to make up for the fact that most of this episode was focused on Mimi and Sweeney, we're going to give you a brief summary of what the other characters did:**_

_**Legolas and Gimli started playing Old Maid instead of Go Fish. **_

_**Ripred and Ares hid in the mountains, plotting deaths. **_

_**Carrion, Mischief, Snape, and Dobby all remained on the beach, fighting to the death via DS. **_

_**Midna and Link chased a butterfly through a meadow of flowers. **_

_**Alice and Emmett played a game of Tag, which is probably why the western half of the forest is gone. **_

_**So! We have six characters gone and 12 to go until the final two will be declared the winners. Tune in next week to see which characters will be next to leave! As always, this is the Voice, saying DO NOT GO INTO THE WOODS!**_

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**Thanks for reading! Review and let me know what you like and don't like. If you want someone bumped off, I could *ahem* arrange some stuff, make a few calls. And I'm very sorry it's late, for anyone who is keeping track. The next one will be up one time as usual. Thanks for reading!**

**~Mark  
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